John is always working and Kerry feels that he is never there for her. She has to spend all of her time caring for the needs of the children,with the result that John also feels that she has no time for his needs. Is there any way to save their relationship?

The first step has to be to consider if the relationship is worth saving. It is up to both parties to decide that they really want to make it work. After all, if either one of the parties has decided that they don’t even want to try to mend the relationship, there is little hope of success.

It is not enough for people to stay together just because it is convenient, or for the sake of the children. There has to be a strong commitment to save the relationship from both parties.

The next step is to identify the problems which are causing the relationship to potentially fail. It is also important to realize that very often the symptoms of the problem are actually the problem.

It is easy to think that one of the partners having an affair is the cause of the break-up, when in fact the affair is a symptom of deeper problems within the relationship. For example, there may be an absence of true intimacy which can lead to a spouse looking for it elsewhere.
Magic of Making Up cover

Magic of Making Up Cover

Magic of Making Up Cover

This has to be dealt with because, if it is not, whilst a further affair may not happen because of guilt, other problems may arise in the relationship because the primary problem has not been properly dealt with.

The relationship can only be saved by dealing with the core problems, rather than just the symptoms. Once the problems at the core have been identified, then you can begin to share your thoughts. Both parties need to put their feelings into words, and listen to their partners point of view.

It’s a good idea to hold your partners hand whist talking about these problems as an indication that you really want to connect. Bear in mind that when your partner is talking about things which hurt you, that it is not the intentions to inflict more hurt, but to try to rebuild the relationship.

After identifying the problems with the relationship, the next step is to come up with a plan of action to resolve those problems. If you are not presently spending much time together, then plan to have a date one evening every week. Try thinking of creative ideas for how to spend this evening together, and take turns in deciding how and where.

If the problem is lack of communication, make a commitment to spend 30 minutes just talking to one another before going to bed.

You must remember that it must be an ongoing process if you are going to save the relationship. You may find that for all the steps forward, there will be some steps backward. There will be both laughter and tears, so you must be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

If you believe that your relationship is worth saving, then you must be prepared to work at it.